For the better part of a year in 2017, I could barely will myself to leave my house. I was experiencing a prolonged depressive episode with daily, sometimes hourly, panic attacks, and I couldn’t see the point in continuing on.
Many things helped me survive. Talking it through in therapy several times a week was like opening a pressure valve in my brain — it kept me functioning just enough to get by. Medication had mixed results — I felt less panicky, but also less joy, excitement, and other essential emotions. Crying to friends provided temporary catharsis. But it wasn’t until I discovered Muay Thai, a form of kickboxing, that it felt as if day-to-day life might provide something other than hopelessness.
Every other form of healing I’d tried had focused my mind — its disordered thoughts and supposed chemical imbalances. What I hadn’t tried was getting out of it altogether. When firm but well-meaning coaches yelled …